Lost Things...

(Two posts in one day... LOOK out!- This one stolen from myself on Facebook from Thursday)

As I try to do every spring and fall, I was going through junk in the attic trying to get ready for a yard sale. I just moved everything 10 months ago, so it could be assumed I would know what's there, but I stumbled up on a box of old yearbooks and in it I found a journal. It's funny to see what the 18-year-old you thinks about the future and of the world. Here are some of the less embarrassing things (and non-incriminating to others) 18-year-old me had to say...

*Today was the last home football game. It's senior day, so of course I had to embarrass myself. When they announced our names, I couldn't think of what to do, so I just tried to do what turned into a weird jump thing acting stupid and ended up falling on my face in front of everybody. Again.

*A girl got in trouble today for painting the inside of her locker. She said she didn't think that was fair because the cheerleaders got to paint them. I agree with her. That's not fair. If she didn't hate me, I'd help her finish it just to see what the school said. Kelly and I painted ours first because there was all kinds of stuff written in it we didn't like. That doesn't mean everyone shouldn't get to do it too. Maybe I will ask her anyway.

*It is Halloween. I cheered at the last soccer game and just passed out candy at my house. My life is glamorous. 

*I might be the world's biggest idiot. I just tried to buy gas at the Exxon station with my dad's Chevron card.

*I wish people didn't think what they do about cheerleaders. I feel like it's lost me more friends than anything just because of a perception that isn't real. 

*I speak what I am thinking when I am thinking it and say everything I want to say when there's someone to say it to. I do not care what anyone says to me about it or about me because of it. 

*When someone does or says something to upset me, people alway say "consider the source" but what if I like the source?

*Today I was asked again if I was going to marry Andy someday. Maybe. Maybe not. I wonder why no one ever asks what I want to be instead. My answer to that is usually a nurse, but really I want to be a doctor. And I want to drive a truck. A black truck. 

*Joe, John and who knows who else decided to scare the crap out of me tonight by coming over and tapping the glass because they know I can't see through it at night. Someday I'll mention that I can hear them, but they have so much fun with it. 

*Joe and the guys asked me to come over and watch a "movie" tonight. They had to know I'd be home, I'm always home. They were eating pizza and watching movies, pretty sure some of them were drunk too. I was invited because they wanted to see how I would react to their choice of movie. Watching them squirm as I sat on the floor and watched with them was awesome. 

*Baseball is so much fun, but not when it snows.

*Sometimes I wish I could go back and hang out with all the friends I had when we hung out at the little league field. I miss that.

*Never invite a college guy who thinks he's so much better than everyone to prom. He showed up late, complained through dinner, wouldn't dance and was an ass. This will not be how I describe it in my Senior book. 

Cleaning

When I started cleaning this morning, I made a list. It started out with big categories. "Kids Bathroom" for example, but then once I got started and it started taking forever, I decided this list seriously undermines the work put into cleaning bathrooms. So, rather than say I've cleaned all three bathrooms, I will now say I cleaned:

2 tub/showers
1 standing shower with pain in the ass clear glass door
1 garden tub - twice thanks to my furry assistant who decided to try to lick it clean by standing in it with muddy feet
4 sinks and all the junk people set on those
3 mirrors
3 toilets - seriously would like to know how the kids got theirs to look like that, but am scared to ask
3 rooms of baseboards
1 bead board wall
1 window
3 clocks
7 floor mats
and...
3 floors

See, sounds exhausting, right?

Boy Crazy

Wow, it's been a while since I've done this. But, here goes....

Today I had a funny experience. It was the kind that makes fathers cringe and makes mothers laugh and it happens to all of us. Walking home from school with our friends, Caroline and Nolan were walking together. As two 6-year-olds are prone to do, they play tag and run around and giggle. But today, when we got to the part where we cross the street and they go straight and we go left, Nolan says, "Bye Caroline!" Caroline replies "Bye Nolan!" Then Nolan says "Bye Cutie Pie!" and with her sweet as honey southern drawl she bats her long little eyelashes smiles and says "Bye!" using about 3 syllables to do it.

I'm not saying she's not said before she has a boyfriend, but this is the first time I've witnessed it. My thought, as if Charlie Brown was my inner monologue, was "good grief!"

This, after all, is my 6-year-old. She, with the light brown hair and blue eyes I always wanted, is said to be my mini-me and I think if she is, dear lord help us all! She is already smarter and prettier than I have ever been. The fact that she is slightly socially awkward, like me, is really her father's only ally.

Six. I keep thinking that in my head. What was I doing at six? Much like her I loved to read, ride my bike, play outside and similar things, but what about boys? Was I boy crazy at six? The simple answer is... probably. The more I think about it the more I remember. There were two boys in my class from Kindergarten through Third Grade when I was at Stanley Elementary before we moved to WV - Troy (aka Bubba) and Mark. I think everyone loved them both, but I know I did. They were best friends, did everything together and who knows, maybe they are still friends.

On the playground at recess, we would all play tag and if one of them was it and they caught me, they would kiss me on the cheek. And well, I was little and I sucked at running (still do), so I remember Mark was the first boy who ever kissed me on the cheek. In remembering that story I was thinking to myself, but I had to have been much older, surely. Well, if I only knew them from the ages of 5 to 9, and then you consider how old we were when we played those games on the playground and do a bit of math. Nope, I was 6. HOLY CRAP!

A little girl kissed a little boy on the playground the other day at Caroline's school. When she announced this to her father (and he had a small heart attack), she followed it by saying that she wasn't going to kiss a boy until she was at least 28. If she is her mother's mini-me as everyone says, her boy crazy years should start about 20 minutes ago.

I remember what I was like as a kid and boy crazy is one of the attributes I'm pretty sure I had down to a science. And while I'm not one of those horror stories I hear about in middle school now, I can still list off in pretty close to sequential order the boys I liked and when. Some liked me back, others didn't. A few broke my heart into a million pieces and some never even knew I existed. This is what I have to look forward to for her. I'm not sure her father will survive.

And so it begins...

Today was the official day 1 of stay-at-home mom and the kids let me know it wasn't going to be an easy job. We started out the day at 5:30 a.m. when Gabe decided he'd had enough sleep and so had I. Remarkably 20 minutes later, he fell back to sleep, lucky boy.

By 8:30 a.m. each kid had one time out, and by 9:30, two.

At 8:45 a.m. popsicles were demanded, as if that would ever happen.

After that, we really started to click. Together we conquered a lot of stuff. So, here's the list of what you can get done on the first day of a new job:
- Call insurance company 1 about the car
- Call insurance company 2 about the roof
- Call insurance company 3 to explain that passing out is result of a broken nose and not a car accident (really EMTs? You picked him up at a residence.)
- Call roofing company to chat a bit about a disconnect between what I am told and what insurance company 2 was told
- Pull trash cans up from street and put them away
- Make sure that the man on the roof knew we were in the house
- 4 loads of laundry done and put away, 2 others still in the machines
- Shred 2 months worth of crap mail and bills unnecessary to keep
- Pay bills
- Clean the kitchen
- Teach a 6-year-old how to clean her room the right way
- Lunch
- 2 hours at the pool (plus walking there and back)
- 1 hour and 20 minutes at the gym

Reading that makes me tired. I wonder what we're going to do tomorrow?!?!

Bikinis, Tankinis, One pieces and trunks...

The pools are open and bikini season is in full swing. As it is every year, the topic of appropriate versus inappropriate has also begun. I've seen status updates, tweets, blogs and articles from women everywhere (and a few men) wondering why grown women still go out in bikinis. Well, I hate to be the one to say it, but it's called bikini season for a reason. 

Most of the articles and things I've seen so far talk about how us "old" women (in our 30s and older), wear bikinis to feel younger and attract the attention of the husbands and college boys around us. I haven't laughed at anything so hard in a long time. 

Do I wear a bikini? You bet. I have two different ones. One is all brown and one is black trimmed in pink. 

Do I wear it to increase my self esteem and attract your spouse? No. I could care less about what your spouse thinks about my suit and my self esteem is fine. I was taught not to care what your spouse thinks, and he should have been taught that women aren't objects to gawk at. Chances are, if he's looking at women in bikinis at the pool, he's also looking at women in one-pieces, dresses, t-shirts, shorts, suits, and anything else women wear. In my experience people do tend to notice other people. What people wear when this happens tends to be irrelevant. 

Why wear it then? Simple, I'm about 5 foot 2 or 3 (depending on the doctor's office who does the measuring). I have a long body and not so long legs. One piece suits look ridiculous on me. Don't believe me? You are welcome to come with me next year to try them on. The last time I bought one I was asked why I bought it by a total stranger the first time I wore it. She, being considerably more conservative than I, explained that when she saw me in it, she thought I looked awkward and uncomfortable. And you know what, she was right. The main reasons I wear the bikini are that I feel comfortable in it, it fits me and I'm at a pool. No further explanation needed. 

The bigger question for me is, what is the big deal? I don't hang out of it in inappropriate places, none that wouldn't hang out of a one piece suit. And, I'm taking care of two kids the entire time I'm in it. I'm too busy trying to keep kids safe and save them when needed to strut around provocatively as some have suggested we "old" women do. I'm not 13 (though I wore one then too). I don't think I belong in magazines. I'm not fake about it. Like me or like me not, the suit is irrelevant. 

If your young child hasn't seen anyone in a bikini before, maybe you should explain it to them. Mine know, for example, that the things that should be covered are. They also know their bodies aren't something to feel shameful or even curious about. It's a body. Literally, every human on the planet has one. They are all different shapes and sizes and some are comfortable in one type of suit and some aren't, but none of them are to be judged for what they wear by my children. 

To argue religion is funny to me. Who do you think created these bodies in the first place? I've never had a minister approach me at a pool (or elsewhere) and tell me I'm going to hell for what I'm wearing. I know a few pretty well, so I am positive it would have come up at some point. 

To argue nudity is also hilarious. All of the blogs suggested also had posts about breast feeding. It's okay to breast feed a child in front of another child and expose yourself entirely, but to cover yourself with triangles of material very tightly tied together - well, that's just unacceptable. My daughter found this confusing. Why is it okay to see them uncovered but not to see them covered? Feeding a child is a natural thing regardless of how it's done, but you are more nude breast feeding than wearing a bikini. (And no, I'm not suggesting breast feeding is bad or wrong or damaging or whatever else can be read from having said breast feeding.) 

As far as trying to be attractive, well, I feel I've already covered that, but the same argument can be made for dieting, going to the gym, having your hair professionally done, buying dresses and high heels, shopping at Victoria's Secret and a whole list of other things women do every day for no reason other than that they feel like maybe they need one of those things. 

The bottom line in all of this is please be yourself, feel good about yourself, teach your kids to do the same, and leave my suit alone. 

Field Day 2011

Not to date myself, though I admit it - I'm old, when I had field day at school it was the 40-yard dash, three legged race, egg toss, and maybe, if the teachers and administrators were feeling "crazy" a water balloon toss. We won ribbons for participation and for winning the races and most of the day was spent in an open, empty field full of laughing, yelling and just generally loud kids.

Well, I have seen field day in 2011 and it is no longer a day full of track and field events, it's a day designed to get as wet, muddy and tired as possible. The kids played games titled for spy events and they were all Field Agents and they shot water cannons at Scooby Doo characters, played miniature golf, and tried to squirt the shaving cream off of the top of the poles of your opponent while protecting yours. One of the games was to squeeze rubber ducks under water in kiddie pools with your feet and then run and fill up the team bucket before the others. Not to mention of course that for 30 minutes they had a squirt gun free for all. I have no idea who thought of these games, but they loved them.

Most interesting of all were the three main events, the water slides. Take 500 kids or so and tell them at the beginning of the day that basically for an hour of the school day they will be able to take turns sliding down water slides and the organized chaos of each game ends with "are the water slides next?"

The world has changed in many ways for the worse, kids are doing crazy things at very very young ages, but this is one area that I think maybe they've gotten it right. My field day was fun but it was nothing compared to this.

So now, it's official

On Friday, I turned in my 2-week notice. It's a weird feeling both freeing and terrifying. I know I'm doing the right thing for me, my family, and my sanity, but it also feels a little bit like being in a free fall of "did I really just do that?"

I've been thinking, for months now obviously, about my "career" or lack thereof. I remember graduating from college thinking the world was at my feet. But, either I tripped or my feet didn't move the right direction because what I expected never happened and at some point in the journey I have decided I am better than this. I deserve better than this.

It's like spring cleaning. You go through the closet and think, "Why on earth did I ever buy this? Or think I would wear this again?" Finding new objects that you'd forgotten, some bringing back happy memories and some puzzling. Resigning has been like that. I think back to the myriad of jobs I've held over the years and wonder how naive I've really been and whether or not anyone in business ever actually tells the truth.

In my careers, I have never had less than a 4.7 out of 5 on a performance review. I have always been told I was the employee they hoped the others looked to as an example. But, I was also always the one too good to promote. I've been laid off twice and taken some interesting detours as result, but it always ends up the same.

Here are some of the memories I came across while deciding to move to the next chapter of this ride:

1. I quit a job as a reporter because I decided I'd rather be unemployed than interview a 9-year-old boy who had just lost both parents and had a little sister dying in the ICU due to a car accident just outside of town. They were on their way to a family vacation.

2. By being in the wrong place at the right time, I overheard a boss' family secret so horrid and so dearly kept that I was let go the following week for being a wrong fit for the company, less than 1 month after receiving an employee award for being a star team player. The boss then went on to try to ruin my reputation to the point that if I did ever tell, no one would believe me anyway. I never told it. It's not my secret and I'm better than that.

3. On the up side, I've been in a position that required bouts of boredom that resulted in multi-cube wars with paperclips, rubber bands and other office supplies. Once, when out of ammunition, the empty box was thrown over the wall at a last ditch effort in delirious laughter.

4. Sitting in my 18-mile commute for 2 hours, the engine in the car next to me exploded and the hood blew off as its helpless owner now had to sit and wait for what the 911 operator said would be "another few hours".

5. Endless battles with UPS and FedEx of packages being held in customs and holiday traffic, delivered to the wrong address or the wrong client at a trade show, and just being late in general. The fine print says the guarantee of delivery is more or less just an effort, it's not actually promised.

The job I was hired for when I was hired for the one I have now, isn't the one I have. I was hired with the promise than in 6 months I would start my real job after being groomed for it by the person who was in it and leaving. She did leave, and so did the position. The job was eliminated a few years later after more excuses than I can count not to fulfill the promise made but not ever kept. I've switched departments, been given accolades, but am just too good to promote. That may be the line I remember forever and if I don't, I'll consider myself lucky to have moved past the stupidity it represents.

Disney Fun

You know, you plan and plan and plan and hope that life turns out to be perfect, but what you get is the incredible ability to have fun while ignoring the things around you that try really hard to ruin it. Here are some of the mishaps that life can throw at you while visiting Disney World:

1. Cell phones can fall out of your pocket while holding a child while explaining to grandparents why we have to take a bus ride from the Animal Kingdom to the hotel to get to Downtown Disney. Downtown Disney being the perfect place to have 6 adults and 2 children all with different agendas and no communication method.

2. Re #1 - Lost and found is open from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.

3. Tired children do not want to fall asleep, they would rather have a total meltdown and act badly for strangers.

4. Children at Disney World hate baths for some mysterious reason. Walking around the entire next day with todays sunscreen, whatever that liquid was that they stepped in, sweat, more than likely tears, and just general grime is more appealing somehow.

5. Having a gifted 6-year-old is a challenge to the system. You have to remind her to "use her imagination" as she very literally points out every impossibility ventured by Disney.

6. Sometimes life is just better when people get to go swimming.

7. Jasmine's line is too long and sometimes she gets sick. When she gets sick, it's just Aladdin and when that happens you find out after waiting 20 minutes.

8. Laundry happens everywhere. At Disney, it happens at 10 p.m.

9. Coordinating 4 grandparents and 2 small children on the same schedule is next to impossible.

10. A child seems to always end up with a 103 degree fever.

11. Someone always gets peed on.

However, in the end you end up with one very happy pirate and one very beautiful princess, 100 autographs (at least 10 of them Mickey), great food, several trips on the Monorail system, 931 pictures, 2 suitcases packed to the absolute maximum capacity, 2 Captain Hook hooks, 3 swords, 2 magic wands, 2 crowns, 4 sets of mouse ears, dozens of crumpled park maps, some new toys, a great trip, and some really good memories.

Just Off

Have you ever had one of those days when things were just not right? Why it happens is indescribable, but here it is anyway. That has been today for me.

I've talked to plenty of people I enjoy, but at the end of the day, something still just feels wrong. I'll chalk it up to "homesick" for whatever that's worth and hope for some sleep.

Good night blog... sorry I have been away for so long.

A new week of "normal"

Tonight ends a week of carefree fun for my 5-year-old, the end of Spring Break. In the morning, we all get to get up and fight about whether or not she will in fact have to go to school. She will then grump and grouse around until it's time to leave and the rest of us will heave a hugh sigh of relief. How do I know this? It has been this way since the end of the first month of kindergarten. My genius child hates school.

When she comes home she will say she had a pretty good day and tell me about the treasures (aka crap) she found on the playground. Did she learn anything new? Of course not. But she has had to sit at her desk quietly for hours watching other people learn.

The upside to Monday for her.... swimming lessons! She started last week and loved it so much she cried because we had to come home.

My boy gets to go to his second day of speech therapy group at the other elementary school. He really doesn't get excited about such things, but if he did, I'm sure he would be. He enjoyed it last time, but it wore him out.

So between my calls (nope still haven't quit), Zumba (a necessity of serenity at the moment), therapy, school, and swimming, it's going to be a hectic way to start the week!

Did I mention I STILL haven't gotten my driver's license?

Why it takes an hour and a half to clean up after breakfast

I try to keep up the standard of not being a short order cook. There is some theory that suggests this will make kids less picky. My children are single handedly disproving this theory, but I give it a shot. Breakfast, however, is the one time I let people choose. So the day generally starts by asking "What would you like for breakfast?" My husband helps in this as he too is an excellent breakfast maker.

Some mornings everyone has cereal- easy enough 4 bowls, 4 spoons, 1 coffee cup, 1 untouched cup of milk/juice, 1 sippy cup and 1 empty water glass.

This morning it was - bacon and fried eggs, toast, dry cereal, and Ritz crackers (for the boy with a cracker problem). So... we have 2 skillets, 2 adult plates, 2 kid plates, 1 plate that held greasy bacon, 1 coffee cup, 1 kid cup of orange juice, 1 untouched cup of juice, 1 sippy cup, 1 empty water glass, 1 spatula, 1 cooking fork, 1 eating fork, 4 spoons, 3 knives, 2 kid bowls and about a thousand paper towels. And, since bacon splatters, every part of the stove.

Each night before we go to bed I try to run the dishwasher. I try to make this a once a day thing rather than multiple uses, so cleaning up after breakfast always means emptying the dishwasher. You know who likes to be in the kitchen for that...everyone. The dog likes to lick any water that remains on top of clean dishes and spills into the door. The kids just like to be in there to request things while I'm doing it. These requests come as soon as I've picked up something that needs to be dried before it can be put away.

"Mmmmoooooooooommmmmmmm," one will whine, "Can I have another piece of toast?"

Sure, so I get out the toaster, again, make a piece of toast and start to pick up the dish.

"MOM!" the other shouts, "I NEED juice! please..."

Put down the dish, get out another glass because at this point all the glasses are in a pile of filth in the sink. Pour juice.

Pick up dish.

"Mom, my toast is ready."

Put down dish. Repeat this cycle until the dishwasher is empty.

But the fun really begins with washing the skillets. When the skillets are being washed and my hands are soaked, I get requests to: let the dog in and out and in and out, please help me put the Green Lantern back in his plane, turn up the t.v., turn down whatever you are listening to to not go insane, I need help to go to the bathroom, etc.

On this goes until the kitchen is clean. When it is, there is no one to be found. Everyone has managed to go on their merry way because I have two available hands and nothing to do with them and no one wants to be around when I start asking for help with chores. So, I'll go swap the laundry in peace. The laundry I started because someone needed something that was in it while I was cleaning the kitchen.

Sick Days

While I still haven't actually resigned from the job I have from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST (though I live in the Central time zone), I have been on PTO, paid time off, for the last three days due to ice. I am off tomorrow also. Everything here is basically skeletal or shut down completely due to ice and there have even been a few days without mail. The mantra remember says something about rain or sleet or hail, but doesn't include 2 inches of ice.

In Fort Worth we do not have snow plows or salt trucks or prepare the highways first with brine. When there is snow or ice, there is snow or ice until the sun - the blessed, blessed sun comes out and takes it all away. This is scheduled for Saturday. We are all very excited. Though we may not venture far in effort to avoid Super Bowl hype and traffic, a trip out somewhere is definitely in order.

Because of this shut down, my husband, the wonderful man that he is, has been home with me for this adventure in cabin fever. This is a good thing because today I had the worst headache/migraine in my existence on the planet earth. I was quite literally laying on the couch in a stupor watching the world go by and not realizing it existed. At one point I swear I could feel the rotation of the earth. I was asleep and yet awake in a haze of medicines that weren't helping, praying for some sort of relief. 2 Sudafed, 2 Advil, 1 dose of nasal spray, the use of a Neti pot and a can of Coke later, I felt human. Drugged up human, but human none the less.

This is where having my husband here was really helpful. Did I mention he was wonderful? He worked for his company and juggled the constant requests for juice, assistance with paints, play-doh and help with movies as if there were not a useless blob resembling his wife there on the couch.

I have no idea what happens should this happen again once I embark on my new career, but I imagine my 2 new bosses will not care any more than my old ones did about the fact that I am sick. I guess I'll have to think of a get sick plan where I have lots of calm activities to do in the event I'm not feeling so great.

The Beginning

I'm not sure where I changed my mind, but somewhere apparently, I did. You see, when I was a kid I wanted to be two things: a Dallas Cowboy's Cheerleader or the President of the United States. Lucrative goals I realize, but oddly neither came to fruition. On the other hand, I had one job I knew I never wanted: housewife. No offense to my mother, but I saw the job as a selfless, thankless deed that no one in her right mind would do. Spending the day running to the grocery store, making sure everyone has their homework done, cooking dinner and cleaning who knows what... no thank you.

And yet, here I sit, 36 (seriously when did that happen?) and on the verge of quitting my job to do the one job I never wanted that I now find myself in complete need and desire to do... be a housewife, a home maker, a stay-at-home mom, one of the unpaid workforce, and my family's CEO, COO, CFO and Sr. VP of HR. Not that I don't do these things now, but they will have more focus and more attention than they've received before.

There is only one problem. When you spend your entire existence avoiding a job, you really don't have the first clue about how it's done. I know how to manage a 40-hour-a-week desk job in a lovely gray cubicle with one child. I know how to manage the same job working from home 3 days, then 4 and now 5 days a week often with two children, both often home at the same time. I also know that doing this is unfair to the company and the kids and I care about that unfairness is the exact opposite of that order.

While corporate America continues to grow, continues to believe that only those important enough to have their photograph on the website in the org chart are important, what they've shown me is that in their minds the other 99% of us are completely unimportant to their opinion of the bottom line. My job has shown me that companies do not care if an employee has been with a company for 50 years and is one day from retirement. Loyalty means nothing if you don't rank a photograph. My best example is that because of a computer glitch that happened when I started working from home, my "personal" company email now addresses me with my employee number. Something like this... Dear 1234567. Fantastic.

With my new job, I not only rank a photo on the org chart, there are photos of all of our employees everywhere. Of course, there are only 4 of us and 1 dog, but there will be no Dear 1234567 letters in my inbox.

Now, back to that problem. I really don't know how to do this job. I am a little nervous. I'm guessing my skills at Candyland will be superb and my hide and seek skills are already legendary, but it's the other things. Can I really keep a house clean regardless of kids running through it like tornados? I know I can cook some things, but can I really cook enough to have a meal on the table every night without issue? I have no idea. But, I'm about to find out.