On Friday, I turned in my 2-week notice. It's a weird feeling both freeing and terrifying. I know I'm doing the right thing for me, my family, and my sanity, but it also feels a little bit like being in a free fall of "did I really just do that?"
I've been thinking, for months now obviously, about my "career" or lack thereof. I remember graduating from college thinking the world was at my feet. But, either I tripped or my feet didn't move the right direction because what I expected never happened and at some point in the journey I have decided I am better than this. I deserve better than this.
It's like spring cleaning. You go through the closet and think, "Why on earth did I ever buy this? Or think I would wear this again?" Finding new objects that you'd forgotten, some bringing back happy memories and some puzzling. Resigning has been like that. I think back to the myriad of jobs I've held over the years and wonder how naive I've really been and whether or not anyone in business ever actually tells the truth.
In my careers, I have never had less than a 4.7 out of 5 on a performance review. I have always been told I was the employee they hoped the others looked to as an example. But, I was also always the one too good to promote. I've been laid off twice and taken some interesting detours as result, but it always ends up the same.
Here are some of the memories I came across while deciding to move to the next chapter of this ride:
1. I quit a job as a reporter because I decided I'd rather be unemployed than interview a 9-year-old boy who had just lost both parents and had a little sister dying in the ICU due to a car accident just outside of town. They were on their way to a family vacation.
2. By being in the wrong place at the right time, I overheard a boss' family secret so horrid and so dearly kept that I was let go the following week for being a wrong fit for the company, less than 1 month after receiving an employee award for being a star team player. The boss then went on to try to ruin my reputation to the point that if I did ever tell, no one would believe me anyway. I never told it. It's not my secret and I'm better than that.
3. On the up side, I've been in a position that required bouts of boredom that resulted in multi-cube wars with paperclips, rubber bands and other office supplies. Once, when out of ammunition, the empty box was thrown over the wall at a last ditch effort in delirious laughter.
4. Sitting in my 18-mile commute for 2 hours, the engine in the car next to me exploded and the hood blew off as its helpless owner now had to sit and wait for what the 911 operator said would be "another few hours".
5. Endless battles with UPS and FedEx of packages being held in customs and holiday traffic, delivered to the wrong address or the wrong client at a trade show, and just being late in general. The fine print says the guarantee of delivery is more or less just an effort, it's not actually promised.
The job I was hired for when I was hired for the one I have now, isn't the one I have. I was hired with the promise than in 6 months I would start my real job after being groomed for it by the person who was in it and leaving. She did leave, and so did the position. The job was eliminated a few years later after more excuses than I can count not to fulfill the promise made but not ever kept. I've switched departments, been given accolades, but am just too good to promote. That may be the line I remember forever and if I don't, I'll consider myself lucky to have moved past the stupidity it represents.
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