Why it takes an hour and a half to clean up after breakfast

I try to keep up the standard of not being a short order cook. There is some theory that suggests this will make kids less picky. My children are single handedly disproving this theory, but I give it a shot. Breakfast, however, is the one time I let people choose. So the day generally starts by asking "What would you like for breakfast?" My husband helps in this as he too is an excellent breakfast maker.

Some mornings everyone has cereal- easy enough 4 bowls, 4 spoons, 1 coffee cup, 1 untouched cup of milk/juice, 1 sippy cup and 1 empty water glass.

This morning it was - bacon and fried eggs, toast, dry cereal, and Ritz crackers (for the boy with a cracker problem). So... we have 2 skillets, 2 adult plates, 2 kid plates, 1 plate that held greasy bacon, 1 coffee cup, 1 kid cup of orange juice, 1 untouched cup of juice, 1 sippy cup, 1 empty water glass, 1 spatula, 1 cooking fork, 1 eating fork, 4 spoons, 3 knives, 2 kid bowls and about a thousand paper towels. And, since bacon splatters, every part of the stove.

Each night before we go to bed I try to run the dishwasher. I try to make this a once a day thing rather than multiple uses, so cleaning up after breakfast always means emptying the dishwasher. You know who likes to be in the kitchen for that...everyone. The dog likes to lick any water that remains on top of clean dishes and spills into the door. The kids just like to be in there to request things while I'm doing it. These requests come as soon as I've picked up something that needs to be dried before it can be put away.

"Mmmmoooooooooommmmmmmm," one will whine, "Can I have another piece of toast?"

Sure, so I get out the toaster, again, make a piece of toast and start to pick up the dish.

"MOM!" the other shouts, "I NEED juice! please..."

Put down the dish, get out another glass because at this point all the glasses are in a pile of filth in the sink. Pour juice.

Pick up dish.

"Mom, my toast is ready."

Put down dish. Repeat this cycle until the dishwasher is empty.

But the fun really begins with washing the skillets. When the skillets are being washed and my hands are soaked, I get requests to: let the dog in and out and in and out, please help me put the Green Lantern back in his plane, turn up the t.v., turn down whatever you are listening to to not go insane, I need help to go to the bathroom, etc.

On this goes until the kitchen is clean. When it is, there is no one to be found. Everyone has managed to go on their merry way because I have two available hands and nothing to do with them and no one wants to be around when I start asking for help with chores. So, I'll go swap the laundry in peace. The laundry I started because someone needed something that was in it while I was cleaning the kitchen.

Sick Days

While I still haven't actually resigned from the job I have from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST (though I live in the Central time zone), I have been on PTO, paid time off, for the last three days due to ice. I am off tomorrow also. Everything here is basically skeletal or shut down completely due to ice and there have even been a few days without mail. The mantra remember says something about rain or sleet or hail, but doesn't include 2 inches of ice.

In Fort Worth we do not have snow plows or salt trucks or prepare the highways first with brine. When there is snow or ice, there is snow or ice until the sun - the blessed, blessed sun comes out and takes it all away. This is scheduled for Saturday. We are all very excited. Though we may not venture far in effort to avoid Super Bowl hype and traffic, a trip out somewhere is definitely in order.

Because of this shut down, my husband, the wonderful man that he is, has been home with me for this adventure in cabin fever. This is a good thing because today I had the worst headache/migraine in my existence on the planet earth. I was quite literally laying on the couch in a stupor watching the world go by and not realizing it existed. At one point I swear I could feel the rotation of the earth. I was asleep and yet awake in a haze of medicines that weren't helping, praying for some sort of relief. 2 Sudafed, 2 Advil, 1 dose of nasal spray, the use of a Neti pot and a can of Coke later, I felt human. Drugged up human, but human none the less.

This is where having my husband here was really helpful. Did I mention he was wonderful? He worked for his company and juggled the constant requests for juice, assistance with paints, play-doh and help with movies as if there were not a useless blob resembling his wife there on the couch.

I have no idea what happens should this happen again once I embark on my new career, but I imagine my 2 new bosses will not care any more than my old ones did about the fact that I am sick. I guess I'll have to think of a get sick plan where I have lots of calm activities to do in the event I'm not feeling so great.

The Beginning

I'm not sure where I changed my mind, but somewhere apparently, I did. You see, when I was a kid I wanted to be two things: a Dallas Cowboy's Cheerleader or the President of the United States. Lucrative goals I realize, but oddly neither came to fruition. On the other hand, I had one job I knew I never wanted: housewife. No offense to my mother, but I saw the job as a selfless, thankless deed that no one in her right mind would do. Spending the day running to the grocery store, making sure everyone has their homework done, cooking dinner and cleaning who knows what... no thank you.

And yet, here I sit, 36 (seriously when did that happen?) and on the verge of quitting my job to do the one job I never wanted that I now find myself in complete need and desire to do... be a housewife, a home maker, a stay-at-home mom, one of the unpaid workforce, and my family's CEO, COO, CFO and Sr. VP of HR. Not that I don't do these things now, but they will have more focus and more attention than they've received before.

There is only one problem. When you spend your entire existence avoiding a job, you really don't have the first clue about how it's done. I know how to manage a 40-hour-a-week desk job in a lovely gray cubicle with one child. I know how to manage the same job working from home 3 days, then 4 and now 5 days a week often with two children, both often home at the same time. I also know that doing this is unfair to the company and the kids and I care about that unfairness is the exact opposite of that order.

While corporate America continues to grow, continues to believe that only those important enough to have their photograph on the website in the org chart are important, what they've shown me is that in their minds the other 99% of us are completely unimportant to their opinion of the bottom line. My job has shown me that companies do not care if an employee has been with a company for 50 years and is one day from retirement. Loyalty means nothing if you don't rank a photograph. My best example is that because of a computer glitch that happened when I started working from home, my "personal" company email now addresses me with my employee number. Something like this... Dear 1234567. Fantastic.

With my new job, I not only rank a photo on the org chart, there are photos of all of our employees everywhere. Of course, there are only 4 of us and 1 dog, but there will be no Dear 1234567 letters in my inbox.

Now, back to that problem. I really don't know how to do this job. I am a little nervous. I'm guessing my skills at Candyland will be superb and my hide and seek skills are already legendary, but it's the other things. Can I really keep a house clean regardless of kids running through it like tornados? I know I can cook some things, but can I really cook enough to have a meal on the table every night without issue? I have no idea. But, I'm about to find out.