Bikinis, Tankinis, One pieces and trunks...

The pools are open and bikini season is in full swing. As it is every year, the topic of appropriate versus inappropriate has also begun. I've seen status updates, tweets, blogs and articles from women everywhere (and a few men) wondering why grown women still go out in bikinis. Well, I hate to be the one to say it, but it's called bikini season for a reason. 

Most of the articles and things I've seen so far talk about how us "old" women (in our 30s and older), wear bikinis to feel younger and attract the attention of the husbands and college boys around us. I haven't laughed at anything so hard in a long time. 

Do I wear a bikini? You bet. I have two different ones. One is all brown and one is black trimmed in pink. 

Do I wear it to increase my self esteem and attract your spouse? No. I could care less about what your spouse thinks about my suit and my self esteem is fine. I was taught not to care what your spouse thinks, and he should have been taught that women aren't objects to gawk at. Chances are, if he's looking at women in bikinis at the pool, he's also looking at women in one-pieces, dresses, t-shirts, shorts, suits, and anything else women wear. In my experience people do tend to notice other people. What people wear when this happens tends to be irrelevant. 

Why wear it then? Simple, I'm about 5 foot 2 or 3 (depending on the doctor's office who does the measuring). I have a long body and not so long legs. One piece suits look ridiculous on me. Don't believe me? You are welcome to come with me next year to try them on. The last time I bought one I was asked why I bought it by a total stranger the first time I wore it. She, being considerably more conservative than I, explained that when she saw me in it, she thought I looked awkward and uncomfortable. And you know what, she was right. The main reasons I wear the bikini are that I feel comfortable in it, it fits me and I'm at a pool. No further explanation needed. 

The bigger question for me is, what is the big deal? I don't hang out of it in inappropriate places, none that wouldn't hang out of a one piece suit. And, I'm taking care of two kids the entire time I'm in it. I'm too busy trying to keep kids safe and save them when needed to strut around provocatively as some have suggested we "old" women do. I'm not 13 (though I wore one then too). I don't think I belong in magazines. I'm not fake about it. Like me or like me not, the suit is irrelevant. 

If your young child hasn't seen anyone in a bikini before, maybe you should explain it to them. Mine know, for example, that the things that should be covered are. They also know their bodies aren't something to feel shameful or even curious about. It's a body. Literally, every human on the planet has one. They are all different shapes and sizes and some are comfortable in one type of suit and some aren't, but none of them are to be judged for what they wear by my children. 

To argue religion is funny to me. Who do you think created these bodies in the first place? I've never had a minister approach me at a pool (or elsewhere) and tell me I'm going to hell for what I'm wearing. I know a few pretty well, so I am positive it would have come up at some point. 

To argue nudity is also hilarious. All of the blogs suggested also had posts about breast feeding. It's okay to breast feed a child in front of another child and expose yourself entirely, but to cover yourself with triangles of material very tightly tied together - well, that's just unacceptable. My daughter found this confusing. Why is it okay to see them uncovered but not to see them covered? Feeding a child is a natural thing regardless of how it's done, but you are more nude breast feeding than wearing a bikini. (And no, I'm not suggesting breast feeding is bad or wrong or damaging or whatever else can be read from having said breast feeding.) 

As far as trying to be attractive, well, I feel I've already covered that, but the same argument can be made for dieting, going to the gym, having your hair professionally done, buying dresses and high heels, shopping at Victoria's Secret and a whole list of other things women do every day for no reason other than that they feel like maybe they need one of those things. 

The bottom line in all of this is please be yourself, feel good about yourself, teach your kids to do the same, and leave my suit alone. 

Field Day 2011

Not to date myself, though I admit it - I'm old, when I had field day at school it was the 40-yard dash, three legged race, egg toss, and maybe, if the teachers and administrators were feeling "crazy" a water balloon toss. We won ribbons for participation and for winning the races and most of the day was spent in an open, empty field full of laughing, yelling and just generally loud kids.

Well, I have seen field day in 2011 and it is no longer a day full of track and field events, it's a day designed to get as wet, muddy and tired as possible. The kids played games titled for spy events and they were all Field Agents and they shot water cannons at Scooby Doo characters, played miniature golf, and tried to squirt the shaving cream off of the top of the poles of your opponent while protecting yours. One of the games was to squeeze rubber ducks under water in kiddie pools with your feet and then run and fill up the team bucket before the others. Not to mention of course that for 30 minutes they had a squirt gun free for all. I have no idea who thought of these games, but they loved them.

Most interesting of all were the three main events, the water slides. Take 500 kids or so and tell them at the beginning of the day that basically for an hour of the school day they will be able to take turns sliding down water slides and the organized chaos of each game ends with "are the water slides next?"

The world has changed in many ways for the worse, kids are doing crazy things at very very young ages, but this is one area that I think maybe they've gotten it right. My field day was fun but it was nothing compared to this.

So now, it's official

On Friday, I turned in my 2-week notice. It's a weird feeling both freeing and terrifying. I know I'm doing the right thing for me, my family, and my sanity, but it also feels a little bit like being in a free fall of "did I really just do that?"

I've been thinking, for months now obviously, about my "career" or lack thereof. I remember graduating from college thinking the world was at my feet. But, either I tripped or my feet didn't move the right direction because what I expected never happened and at some point in the journey I have decided I am better than this. I deserve better than this.

It's like spring cleaning. You go through the closet and think, "Why on earth did I ever buy this? Or think I would wear this again?" Finding new objects that you'd forgotten, some bringing back happy memories and some puzzling. Resigning has been like that. I think back to the myriad of jobs I've held over the years and wonder how naive I've really been and whether or not anyone in business ever actually tells the truth.

In my careers, I have never had less than a 4.7 out of 5 on a performance review. I have always been told I was the employee they hoped the others looked to as an example. But, I was also always the one too good to promote. I've been laid off twice and taken some interesting detours as result, but it always ends up the same.

Here are some of the memories I came across while deciding to move to the next chapter of this ride:

1. I quit a job as a reporter because I decided I'd rather be unemployed than interview a 9-year-old boy who had just lost both parents and had a little sister dying in the ICU due to a car accident just outside of town. They were on their way to a family vacation.

2. By being in the wrong place at the right time, I overheard a boss' family secret so horrid and so dearly kept that I was let go the following week for being a wrong fit for the company, less than 1 month after receiving an employee award for being a star team player. The boss then went on to try to ruin my reputation to the point that if I did ever tell, no one would believe me anyway. I never told it. It's not my secret and I'm better than that.

3. On the up side, I've been in a position that required bouts of boredom that resulted in multi-cube wars with paperclips, rubber bands and other office supplies. Once, when out of ammunition, the empty box was thrown over the wall at a last ditch effort in delirious laughter.

4. Sitting in my 18-mile commute for 2 hours, the engine in the car next to me exploded and the hood blew off as its helpless owner now had to sit and wait for what the 911 operator said would be "another few hours".

5. Endless battles with UPS and FedEx of packages being held in customs and holiday traffic, delivered to the wrong address or the wrong client at a trade show, and just being late in general. The fine print says the guarantee of delivery is more or less just an effort, it's not actually promised.

The job I was hired for when I was hired for the one I have now, isn't the one I have. I was hired with the promise than in 6 months I would start my real job after being groomed for it by the person who was in it and leaving. She did leave, and so did the position. The job was eliminated a few years later after more excuses than I can count not to fulfill the promise made but not ever kept. I've switched departments, been given accolades, but am just too good to promote. That may be the line I remember forever and if I don't, I'll consider myself lucky to have moved past the stupidity it represents.

Disney Fun

You know, you plan and plan and plan and hope that life turns out to be perfect, but what you get is the incredible ability to have fun while ignoring the things around you that try really hard to ruin it. Here are some of the mishaps that life can throw at you while visiting Disney World:

1. Cell phones can fall out of your pocket while holding a child while explaining to grandparents why we have to take a bus ride from the Animal Kingdom to the hotel to get to Downtown Disney. Downtown Disney being the perfect place to have 6 adults and 2 children all with different agendas and no communication method.

2. Re #1 - Lost and found is open from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.

3. Tired children do not want to fall asleep, they would rather have a total meltdown and act badly for strangers.

4. Children at Disney World hate baths for some mysterious reason. Walking around the entire next day with todays sunscreen, whatever that liquid was that they stepped in, sweat, more than likely tears, and just general grime is more appealing somehow.

5. Having a gifted 6-year-old is a challenge to the system. You have to remind her to "use her imagination" as she very literally points out every impossibility ventured by Disney.

6. Sometimes life is just better when people get to go swimming.

7. Jasmine's line is too long and sometimes she gets sick. When she gets sick, it's just Aladdin and when that happens you find out after waiting 20 minutes.

8. Laundry happens everywhere. At Disney, it happens at 10 p.m.

9. Coordinating 4 grandparents and 2 small children on the same schedule is next to impossible.

10. A child seems to always end up with a 103 degree fever.

11. Someone always gets peed on.

However, in the end you end up with one very happy pirate and one very beautiful princess, 100 autographs (at least 10 of them Mickey), great food, several trips on the Monorail system, 931 pictures, 2 suitcases packed to the absolute maximum capacity, 2 Captain Hook hooks, 3 swords, 2 magic wands, 2 crowns, 4 sets of mouse ears, dozens of crumpled park maps, some new toys, a great trip, and some really good memories.